Memories
by Miharu Midorikawa
Summary: "Eren, until when will you stay by my side?" "Until death separates us." Levi held those words of Eren firmly in his heart. Now he started to regret what he did in the past. He should have been gentler to Eren. He should have smiled more to Eren. He should have said 'I love you' more to Eren. ERERI! MODERN!AU!


Title: Memories

Rating: Mature

Pairing: ErenLevi (Yes, Levi is the uke here, it's my fetish.)

Summary: "Eren, until when will you stay by my side?" "Until death separates us." Levi held those words of Eren firmly in his heart. Now he started to regret what he did in the past. He should have been gentler to Eren. He should have smiled more to Eren. He should have said 'I love you' more to Eren. ERERI! MODERN!AU!

 **A/N: So… umm… I've made this one-shot in my spare time. And… I'm sorry I judged this as 'M' rated when there's no explicit 'lemon' scene.**

 **But, I hope you enjoy this and – beware of the angst and feels.**

* * *

Eren.

The first time I met him. I thought he's weird. When everyone in school was avoiding me because of my 'glare' – but, please, this is how I look. I spend 2 years of Shina High School with the title 'Ice King', kind of cliché, I know. Everyone was avoiding eye contact with me, even when I walked down the corridor, people started to make a way for me as if I'm a King or something. Well, everyone besides my… best friends, Hanji Zoe and Erwin Smith.

As for Hanji, she just loved to tease me and such, but she never avoids me like the others even if I send her the most terrifying glare I could.

And Erwin – that shitty eyebrows – I don't know why but he kept pestering me like Hanji. But with an amused face showing all over. I never could understand this man.

Back to Eren, I think he's weird because of his attitude towards me. That happened when the freshman just started; I was spending my time before class starts at the sakura tree behind the school's building. At that time the sakura tree was blooming beautifully, and the wind was just nice. I closed my eyes and leaned my back to the tree, feeling really relaxed by it.

And that's when I heard footsteps.

I opened my eyes and saw a boy in front of me.

Staring with those bright emerald green eyes without any fear.

"You are Levi-senpai, right? I'm Eren Jaeger, first year, nice to meet you!"

* * *

From that moment on.

We started to hang out often. Like, eating lunch together, spending our times in the library, and even escaped to the Infirmary. Eventually I introduced him to Hanji and Erwin. Hanji seems to be over-joyed by it, she hugged Eren and squealed all the way. As for Erwin… he's normal. Not as over-joyed like Hanji.

Eren blushed and introduced himself.

And that's the first time I thought that he's cute.

* * *

Eren and I were getting closer and closer by the day.

People often mistook us as lovers. Of course they shut their mouth when I glared at them, but the rumors still lingered around the school. When we ate lunch together at the Cafeteria – well, Hanji and Erwin were there too – a girl with an oriental face and silky short black hair approached us and glared at me. I raised my eyebrows and asked Eren who she is.

"She's Mikasa, my sister."

I had to admit it, she has guts to glared at me. She was the first person who dared to glare at me in this School. I started to have a glaring competition with her, and that's when a young blonde boy approached us.

"He's Armin, my best friend."

He didn't really attract my eyes, because I know he's the typical type of timid person.

But, Erwin seemed to take an interest in Armin.

* * *

"Levi-senpai. What do you think of the rumors about us dating?"

"Nothing. Normal."

"Hmm… I don't – "

The last sentence that Eren said was a blurry to me due to the wind that interrupted us. I asked Eren to repeat it, but he refused it with a light blush on his face. When I got home, my mind wass full of Eren's question. Dating… Lovers… huh? Those never came up to my mind before. Me? The grumpy boy that only can glare at people?

But…

My chest felt tightened when thought about it.

What is it…?

* * *

One year had passed.

I entered my final year of High School while Eren was in his second year.

The year that was once again filled with blooming sakura trees was the first time I realized…

That,

I like Eren.

No – I love Eren.

But I couldn't say that, even if I wanted to. I held my pride higher than everyone else. I can't just confess to him like a normal girl in love with a blush on her face. I had a hunch that my feelings won't be returned the same way, because, Eren wasn't gay. I'm not gay too, well, Eren was an exception, I guess. I was never attracted to another man. Just Eren.

I've began to felt awkward when I was besides him.

My heart was pounding non-stop and it made me hard to look him in the eyes.

When I said I wanted to be alone for a while, he looked at me with a sad face. I couldn't bear it but… I didn't want to lose control because of him.

I didn't want him to hate me.

"I understand, Levi-senpai. I'm sorry for disturbing you."

When I saw his back becoming distant before disappearing into the School building.

My chest really hurt like it's sliced by a knife.

* * *

It was almost half a year that I didn't talk to Eren properly.

Being my best friends, Hanji and Erwin started to worry about me. But I kept my poker face and said I'm fine while I was struggling inside. I nearly dropped my coffee cup when Hanji hit the bullseye. In the end. I told them all about it, from the weird feelings I've developed towards Eren and our 'fight'.

I didn't know if this was normal or not, but –

They started to laugh.

I yelled at them and asked them what was wrong. Hanji spoke first,

"Levi my darling, I never thought you're that _tsundere_."

"Just admit it Levi and confess to him, it's your last year, maybe you can't see Eren again after graduation."

That was the first time that I felt glad I had friends like them.

* * *

December.

A snowy month and also my birthday.

Having your birthday on the same day as Christmas is kind of annoying actually.

I stayed at my house like always while everyone was enjoying their youth outside with their friends or lover. Me? Just enjoying a cup of black coffee while watching random news on the TV. Sure, Hanji and Erwin celebrated my birthday and Christmas at my house like usual, but they left a minute ago and I had time to myself.

My mind started to wander off.

It's about Eren.

In the end I couldn't tell him my real feelings for him.

I'm such a coward.

With my mind full of Eren. I began asking myself where Eren might be right now? Is he spending Christmas with his friends? Or maybe he already had a girlfriend? What is he doing right now?

I snapped back into reality when I heard my doorbell ringing.

With an annoyed grunt, I put my coffee cup on the table and saw Eren face in the intercom. My heart skipped a beat and I immediately opened the door. In the middle of the snowy breeze, I found Eren standing behind the gates with his hands pocketed into his warm coat. I saw his red nose, because the coldness hit him.

"Eren."

He looked up and greeted me with a smile that I missed so much. I opened the gates without bothering to put on sandals or something, I flinched when the cold stones beneath touched my feet. But I didn't care, I just wanted to get closer to Eren.

"What are you doing here? You should be spending your Christmas with your friends and family." I asked with the usual baritone voice, trying to bury the joy when I saw him in front of my house.

"There's something I want to tell you."

I gripped my thick black colored wool sweater tightly.

"I love you, Levi-senpai! Please be my lover!"

His face blushed deep red, I couldn't even see the difference between the blush and the red skin because of the cold weather. What surprised me was that he used 'lover', not 'go out' like other teens. I stayed like that for a while and tried to hide my blush.

What should I do…?

I felt so happy right now.

"Le..vi… senpai?" He looked at me with a worried face.

I couldn't hold it anymore.

I grabbed his collar and pulled him into a kiss. He seemed surprised at first, but he slowly put his arms around me and pulled me closer. When I broke our kiss, he smiled a genuine smile I've never seen before. He put his forehead against mine and looked straight into my black eyes.

"Is that a yes?"

"What do you think, brat?"

Then he pulled me into another kiss.

That day, on my birthday, I became Eren's lover.

* * *

When I graduated from High School.

Eren cried and was clinging to me.

He asked ridiculous things such as; Will you forget me?

I so wanted to punch him there.

But, I pulled him into a hug and kissed him instead.

"Of course not, you're my lover after all."

That said his crying changed to a burst of happy tears.

We agreed to tell everyone that we are dating. Because past this months since we started dating, we haven't told anyone. And we hardly showed affections in school, people still thought that it's just a rumor. When we told them, Hanji burst into tears and hugged us and wished us to be happy. Erwin gave us a hug too and said something similar as Hanji. But, Mikasa, as Eren's sister quite didn't accept the news happily. Her glare was sharper now. Armin tried to calm her down and then Erwin told us his good news too.

Erwin and Armin were dating too.

That made Mikasa uncontrolled.

Eren and I were surprised by that. But we wished them to be happy as well, Eren gave his best friend a hug, and I punched Erwin on the chest. I intertwined my hand with Eren and looked away to hide my blushing face. Eren smiled.

"You're so cute."

I received a kiss on my lips.

* * *

I started college and took a law major. I wanted to be a lawyer because I started to feel there's something wrong with the law and I wanted to fix it myself. Because many lawyers could send an innocent person to jail, because of money they received. I won't be like that. I didn't want any more innocent people getting into jail because of this… I felt that too when my mother was accused to rob something from a store. But I knew well enough that she didn't do anything.

Because of the stress. She fell ill and died in a few months.

My father left me and my mother when I was a baby, so I don't know exactly who my father is. Until now, I lived on my own, with a little help from my uncle.

Oh yeah… Eren cried and hugged me when I told him this story.

Even if I started college, Eren sometimes waited for me at the entrance and greeted me with a smile. And sometimes too, I was the one who waited for Eren outside the School's Gate.

Then we would walk home together while holding hands.

* * *

"Hey, Levi."

I smirked a bit when Eren said my name without any suffixes. At first he refused, but I managed to persuade him. It's not like I hate the name 'Levi-senpai'. I just want to hear my name like that.

"Hm?"

"Do you love me?"

I blinked and stared at him.

"Of course I do, why are you suddenly asked this kind of thing?" I asked him back with slight annoyed tone.

"I never heard you say love to me."

I fell into the silence.

Wait… It's not true… right?

I've said it before, right?

Or…

Maybe not.

I leaned myself to Eren until out chest bumped. I leaned more until he can feel my breath, and I whispered to him.

"I love you."

I can see his ears turned deep red as well. I can't help it, unconsciously I pulled the corner of my lips.

That was the first time I said those words and the first time I smiled.

* * *

Christmas.

It's been a year since we started dating.

And, on that special day, Eren, Hanji and Erwin celebrated my birthday at my house, I was really happy because Eren came too. Because I spend the rest of my Christmas and Birthday just with that shitty glasses and eyebrows before Eren came into my life and made it colorful. After celebrating with some cake and other things, Hanji and Erwin left – but Eren stayed.

That moment was wonderful, I sat on Eren's lap while talking about random things. Really, random things. It started with Eren that talking about the first moment we met under the sakura tree behind the School building. I just stayed still and listened to him with a faint smile on my face. I didn't know, ever since I've met Eren, I always find myself smiling. But, I only smile to Eren and Eren only – not even Hanji and Erwin.

A few minutes passed and that innocent talk session was replaced by a hot kissing session. I can still feel his warm lips touching mine, his skillful tongue dancing with mine. I grabbed his shirt tightly and closed my eyes as his hands roamed around my body. I gasped when he touched and rubbed something between my legs. My body felt so hot. My mind was all blurry, and the only thing in my mind was Eren. I was going crazy because of him.

And then suddenly I was lifted up bridal style from the sofa and brought to my bedroom. Eren placed me down to the soft mattress, kissing me again, this one with much force and… love. I can feel his hands reaching my shirt and the next thing I know – I was laying under him without any clothes and so was he.

"Eren…"

"Levi…"

Oh, how I love him when he called my name.

His tongue licked me all over, starting from my neck, and moving down slowly to my chest, he licked and sucked my nipples. I had to cover my mouth for preventing any 'weird' sounds escaping from my mouth. But then, Eren grabbed both of my hands and pinned them above my head.

"Don't cover it, I love your voice, Levi."

And then I lost it.

I started to moan wantonly when he touched me.

I was surprised when the tip of his tongue touched my hardened member.

"A-Ahh! E-Eren do-don't – nnhh…"

I wanted to cover my mouth so badly, but I can't. He still pinned my hands above, I'll bet this would leave a mark later. I closed my eyes tightly because I didn't really want to see anything right now, but, when I opened my eyes – I hold my breath when my saw Eren's figure sucking and licking my manhood. Then he pulled his head up and started to kiss me again, and that's when I felt one of his fingers touch my entrance.

"Relax, Levi." And then he pushed his finger into my tight entrance, I gasped at the new feeling. I squirmed because of the pain and I hugged Eren tightly. One finger became two and ended with three. The next thing was, his member placed at my entrance. I looked up at him with a worried face – yes, I was afraid. I looked deeply into those green orbs as he stared back at me, I hissed in pain as he pushed inside. He kissed me all over to calm me down. I felt so full.

"E-Eren! Nghh!" I buried my face into his chest as he started to move in and out.

"Le-Levi."

I can't remember anything else about that night.

It's all blurry.

"E-Eren, I-I'm coming, s-soon – Aahh!"

"Me too. Come with me, Levi."

I screamed as I released it on my stomach and a bit got on Eren's chest, while Eren released it deep inside me. I could feel the warm liquid filling me up slowly. I touch his soft cheek and gave him a smile. Yes, I smiled. His expression was priceless. I wanted to take a picture if there was a camera around.

"I love you, Levi."

"I love you too, Eren."

That was the first time I made love with Eren.

* * *

Years passed.

Now I live together with Eren. Technically, Eren stayed at my house because my house is located not far from our Campus. He got in to the same campus as me but a different major. He said that this is a perfect chance, this way we can see each other every day and he can save up his money because he doesn't have to rent an apartment.

We grew closer every day.

And, on my birthday this year.

Eren invited me to a dinner, no, not in a restaurant, in our house actually. I admit it, that he did a good job there. A dim light from the candles above the table, giving a somewhat calming sensation. Many kinds of dishes prepared on top of the table. Indeed, I'm happy, because I don't want to go to a restaurant, I can't stand many people around.

After we finished our dinner, he told me to close my eyes – and I did. Not long after he told me to open my eyes, and… I can't believe it. He's now below me with one knee and holding a red velvet box with a golden ring inside.

"Will you marry me and stay besides me forever?"

I jumped into him and cried silently on his shoulder.

"I will judge that as a yes."

He slid the ring onto my finger, and I observed it for a while. A simple golden ring with a green gem in the middle.

That was the first time I felt glad to be alive.

* * *

"Eren, until when you will stay by my side?"

"Until death separates us."

He gave the answer immediately without any hesitation despite the sudden question I asked. I rested my head on his shoulder as he hugged me close, we didn't do anything special. Just cuddling around on the soft couch while watching a movie.

But somehow it made me really happy.

I want to be by his side forever.

* * *

Today is our dating anniversary – no, it's our marriage anniversary.

It's been roughly five years since we started dating.

And it's been two years since we married.

We married unofficially and private. Only our best friends came to the ceremony.

The sky was black that day, giving a sign that it will rain soon. I bit my thumb while waiting for Eren to come home. He insisted to celebrate it with a cake, so he got out to buy some. It's been two hours since he left, I don't think our house is far from the cake shop, my worried feeling reached the peak when two hours passed and I kept checking my phone for any new messages or calls from Eren.

I blinked and looked outside. It was raining heavily. That made my condition worse.

I felt uneasy.

What if something happened to him?

What if – I shook my head and cleared my mind from any negative thoughts.

I clasped my hand together and prayed and prayed to God for Eren's safety.

 _Be grateful, brat, I'm praying here just for you._

And that was the moment when my phone vibrated and I looked at the unfamiliar numbers on the screen. I accepted it and put my phone close to my ear, I was expecting Eren's voice – but it wasn't.

[Pardon, is this Levi Jaeger?]

Ah… Jaeger. My last name changed after I married.

"Yes, it's me."

[It's about Eren Jaeger, we from Shina Hospital. We contacted you because it seems your name is the only one we can find on the message list and call history and above all, you have the same surname. We here to inform you that – ]

That one news crushed my heart and life.

The next thing I knew was, that I was running to Shina Hospital drenched from the rain. I didn't care what happened to me. I just wanted to see Eren's face, and that's enough for me. When I arrived at the Hospital, I dashed to the place the person told me over the phone. And here I am, in front of a metal door with a red light on top of it. Eren is inside. He's struggling inside.

I tried to calm myself and sat on a bench besides the door. My whole body is shivering from the cold – yes, I was stupid enough to run in the rain. But, what could I do? My mind is full of Eren. I spaced out and back to the reality when my phone vibrated, I was surprised it wasn't broken. It was from Hanji. When I answered, she asked where I was. I told her everything, and she stayed silent for a few moments. And ended up the call after told me to stay here and wait for her.

About thirty minutes passed.

The red lights above were still there.

I clenched my fist and my eyes stung for some reason.

I was surprised when someone tapped my shoulder, I looked up and there was Hanji and Erwin standing beside me. Hanji shoved a bag and told me to change my clothes. I accepted and went to the nearest bathroom. When I saw my reflection on the mirror – God. I look horrible.

When I got back from the bathroom, Mikasa and Armin were already there before I knew it. Apparently Hanji called them. One hour passed. And the red light turned off. I got up from my seat and approached a doctor who just came out from the door.

"H-How is Eren?"

I couldn't control my voice. I'm trembling.

"I'm sorry."

I screamed at the loss of my beloved.

I screamed and crying in front of my best friends.

Tears flowing unstoppable from my eyes to my cheek. My heart torn apart. I lost my reason to live. My reason to smile. There will be no one who hugs me tenderly. There will be no one who kisses me softly. There will be no one who loved me the same way as Eren.

Eren.

Eren.

Eren!

 _EREN!_

And everything went black.

* * *

Two months after Eren passed away. The culprit who hit Eren in the middle of the rain with its goddamn car was found. I'm glad to be a lawyer. I managed to give him a proper punishment for his sin that took away my beloved's life. Two months passed. Mikasa was still as depressed and shocked as I am. I don't care about cleanness now. I don't care my house is full of dust. I don't care my house is full of dirty dished and laundry.

I've lost my reason to live.

I tried to kill myself, but there's always something that interrupted me. When I was trying to slash my hand with a knife, suddenly the photo frame I put on the kitchen counter fell and I dropped my knife. I took the photo frame and looked it closely – it was a photo of me and Eren smiling when we celebrated his birthday.

There was the time when I tried to kill myself by jumping from a bridge to a river below. When I stepped on the bridge, a big wind pushed me back and a flock of white doves flew away from under the bridge. I was left there processing about what just happened to me.

I cried silently when remembering Eren.

I should have been gentler to Eren.

I should have smiled more to Eren.

I should have said 'I love you' more to Eren.

 _I'm sorry, Eren._

* * *

Today is my and Eren's anniversary.

It's our marriage anniversary.

Today's cold, I'm glad to wear a scarf. I keep rubbing my hands together to keep them warm. I walked up the stairs to get to the cemetery where Eren is. When I reached the top, my feet dragged me a certain way. And then I smiled when I found Eren. I sit in front of him and touched the cold tombstone. Then I moved my hand until I reached a name that carved into it.

[Eren Jaeger]

"Hey, Eren. I came again this year." I said. Sure, I'm not expecting to receive an answer from him. But I keep talking about random things that happened in my life right now. I don't know if he likes my story or not – but I hope he likes it. After I finished talking, I stayed silent for a while staring at the tombstone with my beloved's name carved into it.

"Eren. Why are you so cruel to me? Leaving me here all alone. You promised to be by side forever. You're a liar."

My eyes stung and I can feel droplets of warm tears starting to fall onto my cheeks.

"Eren. I can't live without you. Please come back. Please let me accompany you."

No one answered.

"I'm sorry, Eren. I-I should be mo-more…"

The words stuck in my throat.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I cried silently in front of Eren. I wish you're here by my side. Calming me down. Hugging me. Kissing me.

"I love you, Eren."

" _I love you too, Levi._ "

 _EREN?!_

I look around and found nothing.

Was it my imagination?

Am I crazy enough to imagine things?

But then, I felt a warm wind is wrapping me though it's cold around here. It's… warm. It's Eren. Eren's hugging me. Tears falling again from my eyes. I can't believe it. Eren's here besides me. He's hugging me with the warmth I missed so much.

Slowly, the warmness disappeared and Eren is standing in front of me with his transparent form. He's smiling at me. I want to touch him so badly but I know I can't.

"Eren…?"

" _Thank you Levi, for everything you gave me._ "

Ah… the voice I loved so much.

"Eren... Please stay."

He shook his head.

" _Live for my sake too._ "

His body became more and more transparent.

I can hardly see him.

"Eren…"

" _Thank you, Levi._ "

"Eren?"

" _I love you always, Levi._ "

"EREN!"

His figure disappeared into the thin air with a warm smile on his face. After a moment of crying again. I rubbed my swollen eyes with my coat sleeve and swearing to myself for what I have done – crying at this kind of place like a snotty brat.

I smiled from the bottom of my heart.

Then I placed a medium sized cake in front of Eren's tombstone and lit two candles on top of it. The orange fire swayed slowly following the wind. I touch Eren's name that carved into the stone and rubbed it slowly.

"Happy anniversary, Eren."

 _I will always love you._

* * *

 _ **The End**_

* * *

 **A/N;**

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **So, this idea popped into my mind out of the blue and my hand wouldn't stop writing. And then I finished this in roughly six hours.**

 **I'm beat now, it's already 2 AM here when I finished this.**

 **I will appreciate your reviews for this fanfiction ^^**

 **Thank you.**

 **Love, Miharu Midorikawa.**


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